Count Yorga. The name just oozes vampire. Blood dripping from razor-sharp fangs, black red-lined cape, Eastern European provenance. Count Yorga was a proper vampire, not one of the sparkly creatures that infest the modern genre. And not one of those vampires that are themselves victims, caught up in an un-life they never asked for and who are just trying to get along as best they can without killing too many people. No, the good Count was a scary vampire with no qualms about murder. After all, killing your food isn’t really murder, right?


My first vampire experience was with Count Yorga at the drive-in theatre in the Gold Coast of Queensland, where I (sort of) grew up. I’m really stretching my memory but I think it was on a date with Sheryl Boan, a nice girl. Yorga scared us. Yorga scared everyone in the theatre. There’s a scene where two lovers are in a Volkswagen micro bus stranded on the side of the road near Yorga’s estate. They had met the count earlier at a seance and offered him a ride home. After dropping him off, their VW gets stuck and rather than walk back to Yorga’s place they decide to sleep in the bus. Well, Yorga came to them in the night. Hearing noises outside, the girl asks the boy to investigate, which he does but then doesn’t come back. Girl gets alarmed and eventually pulls back the window curtains on the side of the bus only to reveal the vampire’s face, fangs on full display. Total freakout in the theatre (actually in our cars, being a drive-in theater). Things go significantly downhill for the girl after that.

That’s how it should be with vampires. While you may or may not appreciate the scantily-clad fangsters which are part and parcel of many B vampire movies, terror and blood are integral to the vampire. They’re terrifying. They want to drink your blood and maybe enslave you into a undead existence yourself. Vampires appear in your room in the middle of the night, provided you earlier unwittingly invited them in to your house. They hover midair at your second story bedroom window asking to come in if you haven’t, as Stephen King imagined it in Salem’s Lot a classic of the genre.

Beyond the terror, vampires represent immortality, a conscious or unconscious longing for many people. We all want to live forever, to experience centuries – millennia! – of things we could not possibly imagine while tethered to one mortal lifespan. These are the vampires of Anne Rice’s imagination, and others. Dracula is the epitome of such a vampire and has been the most portrayed vampire in movies, with Christopher Lee’s films accounting for a good chunk of them. Older vampires, who seem to have unnaturally clear memories on top of everything else, recount stories of Roman and even pre-Roman times, of Biblical events, of wars long forgotten to all but historians. In True Blood, an HBO series involving good and bad vampires, before relations between vampires and humans takes a nasty turn south, the vampire Bill addresses a town hall meeting in his hometown, regaling the people with stories of their own ancestors whom he knew personally. His personal knowledge and experiences far exceeded anything they had known before from ‘normal’ historical sources. Think of that and then project back two, three, even four millennia. What we could learn from these creatures of the undead. That si, before they ripped opened our throats and drained the life from us.

Sadly, few quality old-school scary vampire movies are produced these days and indeed during the past few decades. Mostly, the modern vampire is considerably less terror-inducing, being either the sparkly type, angst inflicted or vampires that serve solely as vehicles for gore and violence, such as Blade, Underworld and From Dusk Till Dawn.

Salem’s Lot may be my favorite scary vampire movie (and book). Stephen King’s interpretation of what the insidious evil a vampire represents is truly, epically terror-inducing. As the people of the town are one by one turned into vampires, including some main protagonists, you experience a creeping dread. A dread that makes you want to scream No! Don’t go in there! Get away! Not to spoil it, but it doesn’t end well even for the two survivors of the carnage.

Which is not to say I haven’t found other modern interpretations of the vampire entertaining, even if not terribly scary. Two films come to mind: Let the Right One In and A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night. Both are horror but both also involve a sense of humanity not previously found in vampire films, including the angst films. You empathize with the vampire, not their victims.

There are also some quirky movies I’ve liked, such as Only Lovers Left Alive and the really funny What We Do In The Shadows, a pseudo-documentary that is recommended viewing even if you’re not into vampires. But in the final analysis, I prefer an old-fashioned scary vampire. I prefer Count Yorga.

With a little help from the internet to bolster my memory, in no particular order, here are some of the vampire movies and TV series that I have seen. If you like vampires, seek these out and enjoy!

Salem’s Lot (1979), a TV movie based on Stephen King’s horror novel. The residents of a small New England town start turning into vampires after an ancient vampire moves in with his manservant. Very scary – the scene with the kid floating outside the window asking to be let is truly terrifying.

Count Yorga, Vampire (1970), a young couple are victims of a European count who recently moved into town.

The Return of Count Yorga (1971), the count continues to prey on the locals.

True Blood (2008-2014), HBO TV series revolving around an angst-inflicted vampire in love with a fey human. Despite that, this is the best ‘good’ vampire story I’ve seen. I really got wrapped up in this series. The characters are compelling.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992), a horror-comedy involving a young woman whose destiny is to kill vampires. Best scene might be the protracted death throes of the vampire played by Paul Reubens (Peewee Herman) after being staked by Buffy. Worth a view just for that.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003), TV series directed by Joss Whedon (Firefly) and starring Sarah Michelle Gellar. Had a large following; it’s pretty good.

Interview With a Vampire (1994), based on the book by Anne Rice, the story of the powerful but reckless vampire Lestat as told by his protege Louis to a human reporter. Anne Rice lays out one of the better vampire mythologies you’ll find, with a lot of historical detail. The film does the book justice with good performances by Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt.

Queen of the Damned (2002), a sequel to Interview With a Vampire but not nearly as good.  No Cruise; no Pitt.

Let the Right One In (2008), Swedish, a different kind of vampire story. A young boy befriends a new girl who moves in next door. But she’s an ancient vampire, not a young girl, and she protects the boy from bullies. A great film.

Let Me In (2010), the American remake of Let the Right One In. Not quite as good but still worthy.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014), an Iranian film that tells the story of a lonely vampire who befriends a young man in the midst of troubles with an abusive drug-dealer. Excellent.

Dracula (1931), Bela Lugosi as the venerable count created by Bram Stoker. Lugosi’s Dracula is the model for all vampires and vampire costumes. No one wore a cape like Lugosi.

Dracula/Horror of Dracula (1958), Christopher Lee in the first and best of his roles as Dracula. Retitled from Dracula to Horror of Dracula for American release. Lee would make several subsequent Dracula movies, none of which gave Lee much of a speaking role: Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1965), Dracula Has Risen From the Grave (1968), Taste the Blood of Dracula (1969), Scars of Dracula (1970), Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) and The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1973).

Dracula (1979), Frank Langella as Dracula and Lawrence Olivier as Van Helsing. Langella fans (I’m one) will like it.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992), a modern adaptation of the Bram Stoker Dracula story directed by Francis Ford Coppola with an excellent performance by Gary Oldman as the vampire and a poor performance by Keanu Reeves as Jonathan Harker. Stupid title but a good vampire flick.

Dracula Untold (2014), a film with better special effects than previous vampire flicks, this tells the story of Vlad Tepes (Vlad the Impaler), the Wallachian prince said to inspire the myth of Dracula, rather than following the Bram Stoker storyline as most other Dracula movies have done.

Nosferatu (1922), F. W. Murnau’s seminal silent film that remains one of the best.  The vampire Count Orlok is both hideous and mysterious. The story is actually an unauthorized adaptation of Bram Stoker’s Dracula with the names of the characters changed (per Wikipedia). Because the Stoker heirs sued over copyright issues despite the name changes, all copies of this film were ordered destroyed but a few thankfully survived. Every budding vampire aficionado must see this film.

Nosferatu the Vampire (1979), Werner Herzog’s remake of Nosferatu starring Klaus Kinski as the vampire. If any film needed to be remade, it might be Nosferatu because of the original being a silent film (it’s still great – see above). Kinski puts in a great performance.

30 Days of Night (2007), vampires terrorize a remote town in northern Alaska during the winter when the sun doesn’t rise. The idea of endless night made me think a vampire might want to migrate seasonally between the Arctic and Antarctic circles.

The Lost Boys (1987), film about California vampire gangs starring Keifer Sutherland in one of his earliest major roles.

Only Lovers Left Alive (2013), an intriguing movie about two older vampires searching for meaning in their undead life. Great performances by Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston make this movie a must see.

What We Do in the Shadows (2014), the funniest movie of the lot. Filmed as a pseudo-documentary, it involves four vampires living together in New Zealand that have as hard a time putting up with each other as they do with being vampires. Hilarious.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), a bloody film (it was written by Quentin Tarantino, the modern master of over-the-top blood and gore) with a top notch cast of George Clooney, Antonio Banderas and Harvey Keitel. Basically about criminals that unwitting run into a den of vampires and then kill most of them.

Byzantium (2012), thoughtful Irish vampire film. A mother and daughter, both vampires, on the run from a vampire society. Good flick.

Fright Night (1985), something of a cult movie, it involves a teenaged kid who suspects (correctly) that his neighbor is a vampire who is killing people. Kid enlists the help of a TV vampire hunter to stop an actual vampire.

Thirst (2009), Korean vampire movie. There’s a love triangle with a Catholic priest who gets turned into a vampire.

Vampyres (1974), British, two female vampires lure unsuspecting men for sex and blood. Never turns out well for the men in the end.

Requiem for a Vampire (1971), British, sort of the opposite of Vampyres, two women are lured into a castle and then attempt to flee from the vampires within, mostly the main one who wants them to continue his bloodline.

Innocent Blood (1992), also known as A French Vampire in America, the story involves a modern-day female vampire who doesn’t like taking blood from anyone except criminals but who then unfortunately gets involved with the mafia. Don Rickles has a role!

Blood and Roses (1960), one of the several adaptations of the story of the Blood Countess, Carmilla Karnstein. In this film, a young woman is apparently possessed by by her ancestor, the countess, and embarks on her own killing spree. Stars Mel Ferrer.

The Vampire Lovers (1970), a vampire classic, this film is about the Blood Countess herself.

Subspecies (1991-1998), a series of four movies, Subspecies revolves around the vampire Radu, a rather grotesque creature, as he tries to possess and control the Bloodstone, a source of power. Radu is aided by his minions, the subspecies. There was a fifth film in the series but it involved a different vampire.

Love at First Bite (1979), a comedy starring George Hamilton as Dracula trying to deal with New York City.

Abbot and Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948), Frankenstein? Yes, but it’s notable because Bela Lugosi reprises his role as Dracula for the only time since making the film for which he is famous. A comedy, obviously.

Shadow of the Vampire (2000), an interesting concept. While filming a remake of Nosferatu, the actor playing the lead seems to actually be a vampire.

Blade (1998), first of a series about the Marvel comics vampire hunter, starring Wesley Snipes.

Blacula (1972), a blaxsploitation film (as the genre is called). An African prince is turned into a vampire by Dracula.

The Last Man on Earth (1964), based on the book I Am Legend, this film stars Vincent Price as a man surviving in a world where a plague has turned (almost) everyone else into vampires.

I Am Legend (2007), a remake of The Last Man on Earth starring Will Smith.

Planet of Vampires (1965), you remember all those campy sci-fi movies made in the 1950s and 60s? This is one of them. The ‘vampires’ are more like zombies.

The Vampire Circus (1972), A circus comes to town. Unfortunately for the townspeople, they’re vampires.

Bloodrayne (2005),  a vampire/human hybrid takes revenge on her former captors. Inexplicably stars Ben Kingsley.




Burn It

Selling a house is a major pain in the ass. I recommend anyone contemplating such a thing to instead burn the fucker to the ground and collect the insurance.  Do evacuate the pets first.

Not a Mormon, Thanks Anyway

About an hour’s drive north of Idaho Falls, off a nondescript two-lane road, you’ll find a US Navy installation. This surprises some – why a navy base out here hundreds of miles from water? Actually part of the Atomic Energy Commission’s Idaho National Engineering Laboratory (now run by the Department of Energy), the site also hosts the Naval Prototype Training Unit and is where some of the sailors slated to be the next generation of naval nuclear power operators come to train. There’s a similar facility somewhere out east – Groton, Connecticut, I think. The Idaho NPTU was the first, though.

INEL has a bit of history, at least from a nuclear reactor standpoint, if not from the exploits of the sailors who passed through. It was the site of an experiment to test the safety systems designed to control a full core meltdown. One of the test reactors was actually subjected to an intentional meltdown to see what would happen. We learned a lot from that, I suppose. A less happy incident took place not too long before I got there. Some workers mucking about with the SL1 reactor apparently tried to get one of the control rods unstuck by manually pulling it out from the top. They were successful, but a little too much so – the rapid extraction of the rod caused a local prompt criticality, the water in the rod channel flashed to steam and forcefully ejected the control rod out of the core, impaling one of the workers. He died, of course, as did a few others from radiation exposure. Or so they say.


I was stationed there in the winter of 1975 and ’76, having completed the classroom part of my nuclear training at the Mare Island Naval Base in Vallejo, California during the previous six months. Like the others sent to this frozen outpost, I would learn on a real reactor what they had taught me on paper at Mare Island. NPTU had three prototype reactors – actual, functioning power plants that were designed to simulate naval engineering spaces. Mine was called S1W: it was the first (1) submarine (S) prototype built by Westinghouse (W).

S1W was designed to resemble a fleet submarine power plant – it was housed in a ‘hull’ and was the same size and power as a real sub’s reactor. Kinda cool, actually. They also had one patterned after an aircraft carrier plant, the USS Enterprise’s, I believe. By the luck of the draw, I was slotted for S1W.

We lived in town, not on the base. I chose Idaho Falls for some reason long lost in my memory but could well have decided on Pocatello, Blackfoot or another nearby town if I wanted. Most of us lived in Idaho Falls – it was the biggest and the closest to the base. That was important because to get there, you had to ride the bus and the further away you lived, the longer the ride. Time was precious to us, we were later to learn.

Idaho Falls has enough Mormons in it that you’d think you were in Utah, which is not too far away. Weird place to live. We called it Idiot Flats. It was picturesque, though. Nice river running through town and the nearby mountains were great. But the best part was nearby Yellowstone National Park. I must have gone there half a dozen times in the six months I was in Idaho.

I stayed in a two bedroom apartment with Charlie, a friend from Mare Island. I forget his last name, it might have been Roberts. Nice guy, easy to get along with. Between him and Steve Roquemore, we were hanging-out buddies, although we had many other friends too. A close-knit group of guys, I guess, which was understandable because we had all just gone through a pretty grueling classroom phase at Mare Island. Steve was a qualified pilot and he and I went up once in a Cessna and flew around the Grand Tetons. I got to fly the plane some.

Idaho was a bit of a coming out for me. I was only 20 years old, although I had been in the navy two years now (we nukes got a LOT of training). When I arrived in Idaho, I was still a bit excited about being in the navy and being a nuke. I had the great adventure to look forward to. But by the time I left, I was disillusioned and regretted my enlistment. It wasn’t any single event that changed my attitude, and to be honest, I’m now not exactly sure why it changed. But change it did. There was that ‘incident’ at S1W, to be sure, but I’ll get to that.

Despite being a rather backwater town, Idiot Flats offered plenty of opportunity for us sailors to get into trouble. Lots of drinking, shooting pool, chasing women. Wait, did I just say chasing women? Me? Yep, it happened although not very successfully. One girl – a Mormon – wanted to marry me, but I knew it was just to get out of Idaho. Still, she was nice and I had fun with her for a while. Come to think of it, after I turned her down, so did Charlie and Steve. Poor girl was really desperate to get away.

It snows in Idaho. It snows a lot. During a period of a few weeks, I couldn’t even get into my car. Hell, I could hardly find it – it was just a vague mound in the parking lot and I wasn’t sure which mound. But some of the others had trucks and such that did better in the snow, so I didn’t really need the car. And, as I said, the bus took us to ‘work’. That bus trip was brutal some days, waiting at a busstop before sunrise when the temperature is minus 2000 Fahrenheit and the wind’s howling. Brrrr. Bad place for a lizard.

I had a 1972 Chevy Vega GT, which I bought in San Francisco after I got the idea in my head that my previous car, a 1967 four-door Chevelle, wasn’t reliable enough to make it in Idaho. Strange notion, because the Vega was notoriously unreliable, in general. Fortunately, mine wasn’t. It was a stick shift, though, and the Chevelle was an automatic. I learned to drive the stick on my own and on the streets of San Francisco.

The Chevelle was great. I bought it off a small lot during my previous time in SF when I was stationed at Treasure Island, located in the middle of SF bay. The car dealer probably saw me coming – another wet behind the ears sailor. Because it had bench seats, a bunch of us could pile into it to see games at Candlestick Park or the Oakland Coliseum. But the Vega did OK in Idaho, at least when it wasn’t under ten feet of snow. I took it to Hawaii where I eventually traded it in on a 1971 Datsun 240Z, which I often wax nostalgic over.

But the Idaho winter was really bad, especially for driving. I remember one time Charlie and me helping a guy (a fellow sailor but not one of my buddies) get his car unstuck in a virtual blizzard. He was grateful so we went to his place for a celebratory drink. Anti-freeze, he called it. We each were poured a glass of whiskey that must have been four inches tall. As I am today, I was a lightweight with alcohol and normally avoided hard liquor. But drink it I did, with the predictable result.

At the NPTU, we spent some time in classrooms, but the emphasis was on ‘qualifying’ on the reactor. I was a reactor operator, meaning that I was designated to operate the reactor control panel. But because we cross-trained on everything, I had to become proficient at the electrical and mechanical stuff, too. It was a bit of a competition. See, the promise was whoever qualified first would get their choice of duty station in the fleet when it was over. Quite an incentive, because the USS Eisenhower – an aircraft carrier – was due to be commissioned soon and our class would make up a lot of the crew. Nobody wanted to be on a carrier; there had been a lot of trouble on them since the end of the war. Violence, race riots, bad stuff – they were like floating depressed cities. I qualified first in my class and chose a ballistic missile submarine out of Guam. Had to pass the psyche evaluation for that first, though.

So we learned how to be good nukes – how to operate the plant during all sorts of conditions and disasters. We’d be assigned watches at the various stations along with an instructor and they’d throw all kinds of crap at us – things breaking, reactor freaking out, pipe ruptures, whatever. It wasn’t too bad, but some of the guys got a little behind in their quals. If you got too far, you found yourself restricted to base and on extended hours.

As I said, I qualified first, so along with my guaranteed choice of duty station, I was also the first guy in my class who could stand watch by himself without an instructor. One of the stations they put me on was one that trainees didn’t do because it wasn’t something that you’d find on a real submarine – the Water Brake, aka The Ocean.

A navy reactor plant performs two basic functions: it provides electric power for everything on board, and it turns the propeller. Because a submarine changes depth and goes into water that varies in temperature considerably, the density of the water is quite variable and that affects the propeller’s ability to drive the boat. One really big, negative effect is cavitation. The spinning propeller creates a zone of low pressure on the trailing edge of the blades. With enough blade velocity, that pressure can drop low enough such that the water forms vapor bubbles – it boils. After the blade passes, the pressure recovers and the bubbles collapse. This process is called cavitation and it is actually quite noisy and can be picked up on a sonar easily from a distance. Pumps experience this phenomenon as well and is one of the key design criteria for sizing fluid systems. Extended periods of cavitation can ruin a pump impeller.

The throttleman (the guy who controls the steam to the main engine turbines and thus the propeller shaft speed) on a boat is trained to avoid cavitation. Don’t want to give away the position of the submarine to the Commies, after all. Part of the training is knowing and sensing the water density. He will keep and eye on the water temperature and the boat’s depth (there’s an outside water temperature and a depth gauge right next to him on a submarine) and open the throttles more slowly if the water’s less dense. He can tell by a sudden increase in shaft speed if the prop cavitates. Also, the sonar operator will pick it up and relay it to the captain who will quickly call aft and scream at the engineering watch officer. Cavitation is bad news.

But in Idaho, there is no ocean, so what’s the big deal? The deal is that we needed to be trained to deal with an actual ocean so they designed and installed a contraption on the end of the propeller shaft that had the ability to simulate water density changes. Basically, it provided a variable drag on the shaft in place of where the propeller would be and would cavitate like a real propeller, too. The Water Brake operator kept track of the “depth” changes the watch officer ordered and adjusted the water density to suit. It was a cool watch station – not much to do (which was really good back then) and no pressure, so to speak. But mostly, I stood watches inside the plant, like on the RPCP (reactor plant control panel).

First watch on the RPCP, I’m handed a list of the day’s drills (planned ‘emergencies’). Before I was qualified, my instructor would get the list and I’d be in the dark. Now, I was basically just filling up a watch billet while the other guys not yet qualified still had to do their stuff. As RPCP operator, I still had to do what was required to respond to the drills. And I was expected to know what that was now.

One of the drills was a large coolant leak from one of the loops and we’d be isolating it and going to single loop operation. No problem, I could do that and I had time to look up the procedure to refresh myself anyway. It called for systematically isolating the various subsystems off the main coolant loop in hopes of isolating the leak. I knew of course that that wasn’t going to get it, because the ‘leak’ was in one of the big loop pipes and I’d end up shutting the main coolant cutout valves for that loop.

But what I didn’t know, and they didn’t tell me, was that there was a subtle difference between the actual coolant leak procedure and the one to be used for drills. The difference was the presence of what was called the Hot-Loop Test Facility. The HTF was something connected to one of the loops that sampled the coolant which was analyzed in ways we never were told or cared about. It was an AEC research facility. Because it wasn’t part of a real sub reactor plant, it was to be regarded as not existing. But, if there was an actual coolant leak, it had to be considered as a source of the leak, too. What I didn’t know was that isolating it ruined whatever experiments were running with it and the AEC scientists would get majorly pissed.

As I said, they didn’t tell me. So when the drill started, I followed procedure and began isolating systems. During an emergency, you don’t ask permission to do stuff – you just do what you’re trained to do. I got to the HTF, announced that I was isolating it and shut the valves. About then I noticed that every non-trainee except myself was looking horrified and the watch officer immediately canceled the drill and ordered me to open the HTF valves. It was too late, of course. There would be pissed off scientists showing up real soon.

I got to talk with the ‘black box’ right after that with a couple of mysterious naval investigators present. They wanted to crucify me. Nobody present stood up for the fact that I was just following procedure and wasn’t told not to shut the HTF valves. The watch officer, a total dickhead, was particularly slimy in shifting the blame to me.

Eventually, they realized they couldn’t pin the blame on me despite their best efforts, But that scarred my naval career, in my mind. What happened to standing up for your team members? What happened to accountability? I may not have realized it right then, but after that, I never entertained another thought of re-enlisting in the navy.

I left Idaho not long after, never to see most my classmates, like Charlie and Steve, again. I was off to new adventures in Guam, Pearl Harbor and the vast Pacific Ocean.

Making Turns for Six Knots

I wrote this a long while ago:

Making turns for six knots … running two slow, two slow … endlessly, it seems. Punching a hole in the Pacific, daring the commies to start something. Tave slowly creeps lower and lower … like watching grass grow. Wonder if I’ll have to bump rods before Lippy gets here, but I don’t really care. Behind me, the EOOW is babbling about something. No one is listening. Wonder what the movie is tonight? Lot of time to wonder stuff.


WTF? Flank?

Four pairs of eyes stare at the bell in unison for a nanosecond, maybe three. Yep, flank. Guess we’re off patrol.

Controlled pandemonium follows.

Mike whips the mains open like his life depends on it. A little more calmly, Ed grabs the TG’s and starts running them up towards sixty-one. With my left, I give the pot a head start. With my right, I turn 2C to fast and pull. EOOW is on the 2MC.

‘Ahead flank, maneuvering, aye’

‘Going to two fast, two fast’, I mention, like it wasn’t obvious. Makes the EOOW feel useful. He isn’t.

Tave no longer creeping down. More like plummeting. That’s OK. Makes the neutrons happy.

Rapid succession … gotta keep up with power. 1A to fast, 2A to fast, 1C to fast. We’re good. 1B off.

Ninety percent. Ninety five.

‘Ease off, Mike.’ He does.

One hundred. One hundred and two. Crap. What was the cutback during the last weekly? One-oh-three and an RCH, I think. I shove the poles in a bit and power levels out. Tave’s green again. Gotta watch for overshoot, but no worries. Ed tweaks the TG’s to sixty. Boat is shaking something fierce. Hope the boots hold.

‘Answering ahead flank, reactor power one hundred percent’. He likes talking on the 2MC.

EWS leans in on the chain.

‘What the fuck’s the hurry? Making a lotta noise.’

Lifer. I reach for my logs, but the growler … growls. It’s Kent. ASW is running in fast speed. Okie dokie.

Hope this doesn’t fuck up the movie.

Bells on a BB

Probably because of my experiences in a nuclear submarine engine room and nuclear power plants, I’m fascinated by engine rooms in general. And there are no better examples than the various WWII era warships parked as museums around the country. Mostly battleships, but also submarines, destroyers and aircraft carriers, these warships are open to the public and some allow access to their engine rooms.

USS Wisconsin

Going down (or back, if in a submarine) to the engine room requires a bit of dexterity that some can’t manage. Ladders are often near vertical and often have very hard head-level obstructions poised to open up a wound on your scalp if you’re not careful in a way most people aren’t accustomed to. One doesn’t expect going down a ‘staircase’ might involve having to duck your head around or under various metal protrusions seemingly placed just so to cause injury.

Hatchway and ladder down to USS Alabama engine room.

But if you do enter a WWII-era engine room, you’ll find yourself immersed in a steel jungle filled with heavy duty machinery, pipes, valves, cables (wires), gauges, switches and other things less easily categorized. Drain tanks, steam turbines wrapped in insulation, reduction gears, sightglasses. Trying to figure out how it all comes together to form a propulsion train capable of moving a massive ship is a challenge even for the initiated.

Engine room of USS Yorktown

The boilers burn bunker oil to boil water into steam; steam flows through large insulated pipes to the high pressure turbine and then to the low pressure turbine; the spent saturated steam is converted by the seawater-cooled condenser to water and then pumped back to the boliers to be reheated. Meanwhile, the turbines turn giant shafts that feed into reduction gears which convert the high speed rotation of the turbines to the much lower speed required for efficient operation of the propellors, which are at the end of long shafts that penetrate the ship’s hull. A battleship has four propellors. Myriad accessory equipment supports this basic operation – lube oil pumps to ensure bearings don’t fail; cooling systems to ensure parts don’t overheat; instruments to monitor all sorts of parameters such as pressure, temperature, shaft speed, tank level; electrical systems to supply pump motors, instruments, relays, etc. And much more.

Engine room of USS Alabama

The engine room also contains the turbine generators that produce electric power for the entire ship, evaporators to supply fresh water and refrigerant units for chilled water to keep the spaces cool. All this is stuffed into the four engine and boiler rooms of a battleship. One of the things that surely must come to mind while touring these spaces is how much design effort went into building one of these ships in such a way that it not only works, but works well enough to allow the ship to perform its primary mission: fight. Everything in the engine room is designed to serve the ship’s weapons systems and the crew that operates them, plus get the ship where it needs to be to fight the battles. Large warships are marvels of engineering.

I’ve toured five battleships: USS Alabama, USS North Carolina, USS New Jersey, USS Texas, USS Wisconsin

One cruiser: USS Olympia

One aircraft carrier: USS Yorktown

Three submarines: USS Drum, USS Clagamore, USS Becuna

Of all the WWII ships and boats (submarines should be referred to as boats, not ships), I like the Alabama and the Yorktown best, simply because their engine rooms were open to unescorted visitors. All but ignoring the rest of the ship, I’ve spent hours in each engine room, contemplating, taking photos of stuff no one but me photographs. Down on my knees looking for steam traps, peering around corners along cable trays, up close to equipment label plates, tracing steam lines, flipping switches, staring at valve operator gauges, I’m interested in the unglamorous details. The things, actually, that bring back memories of my time on the submarine. You’d be surprised how much similarity there is between a nuclear sub built in the ’60s and a WWII battleship.

USS Yorktown
USS Yorktown
USS Yorktown, steam pipes
USS Alabama, hydraulic lines
USS Alabama, cable trays
USS Alabama, steam trap
USS Clagamore
USS Clagamore
USS Clagamore
USS Clagamore
USS Drum
USS Drum
USS Drum

Contrast that sort of experience with ships where engine room access is restricted or non-existent. Such as my recent visit to the USS Wisconsin in Norfolk, Virginia. An Iowa class ship, the Wisconsin is apparently slightly larger than her sisters and thus has the distinction of being the largest battleship ever built by the US. Some increased length may be due to the transplanted bow that was attached after the original was severely damaged in a collision with a destroyer in the 1950’s. The donor bow came from the USS Kentucky, still being constructed in Newport News Shipyard (the Kentucky was never completed).

If you want to see the Wisconsin’s engine room, you must purchase a guided tour ticket. The Nauticus museum, where the battleship magnificently resides in downtown Norfolk and which also boasts other exhibits such as the excellent Hampton Roads Naval Museum, offers two guided tours – one to the engine room and one to the command and control centers. The extra price is worth it if you haven’t seen either. As it happened, on the day I visited I was the only one to sign up for the morning engine room tour, so it was just me, the navy veteran tour guide and his much younger assistant.

Any time two navy veterans get together in a setting like this, both have to establish their bonafides. His were evident by the fact that he was a docent on a battleship engine room tour but I learned that he was a boilerman, so would know his stuff. I volunteered that I was a reactor operator on a cold war era nuclear submarine and thus knew quite a bit about naval engine rooms. A nuclear reactor is just a high-tech way to boil water into steam. After that, the other stuff is pretty much the same. Plus I’d been on several of these older warships.

Then he called me a snipe.

Hmmph. Snipe is not a term of derision, I knew, but I was not a snipe. Sailors who worked in nuclear submarine engine rooms – ‘nukes’ – were not snipes. That was either a surface ship term or a non-nuke term for engine room folk (I have no idea whether nukes on aircraft carriers called themselves snipes, but I doubt it). I told him I had never heard that term applied to a navy nuke. Ever.

Part of the reason for referring to me as a snipe was undoubtedly because he could then relate the story of how engine room sailors got to being called snipes. Seems in the early days of steam ships, the ‘engineers’ who ran the engines on navy ships were looked down upon by regular sailors and abused accordingly. Until John Snipes demanded respect for his men, didn’t get it and then proceeded to have them shut down the boilers. Steam ships don’t operate well when the boiler is cold. Respect ensued.

I’m a nuke. Not a snipe.

Anyway, after we did the bona fides thing, he launched into the tour, thankfully leaving out a lot of basic stuff he knew I knew. The three of us – him in the lead, me following, she closing doors after us – descended into one of the boiler rooms. He stuck with his script – pointing out the big pieces and running a short video next to one of the boilers. All this while I really wanted to just go off on my own. I already knew what all the big pieces were and could identify most of the little ones, too. After the boiler room tour, we went up, over and down to the engine room. The two compartment did not have direct connection, something I hadn’t realized. That’s a damage control thing – if a boiler blows or floods, it doesn’t take out the corresponding engines, which can be crossfed from another boiler thus maintaining maximum speed capability for the ship.

I did get to see some boiler room and engine room art, though. None of it seemed to date back to WWII.

USS Wisconsin boiler room. ‘Boiler Room Betty’
USS Wisconsin engine room

The guide told me two interesting things – one I already knew but had forgotten and one I didn’t. Right next to the boiler feed area – where the ‘snipes’ work to fire the boilers according to how fast the captain or OOD wants to go (communicated via engine order telegraph from the bridge or conn and is called ‘answering bells’) , are a couple of periscopes. These scopes run all the way up to the top of the ship’s exhaust stacks and are used to gauge the proper mixture of air and oil in the furnaces. If the mix is off, the ship will be blowing black or white smoke, depending. That’s not good for boiler efficiency and it’s not good for stealth (yes, even battleships pay attention to stealth). You can see a plume of black smoke a long way off. So the snipes use the periscopes to adjust the mix to optimum. Cool.

USS Yorktown, engine order telegraph in the engine room. The red pointer indicates the ordered bell (speed) from the conn. The white pointer is turned by the throttleman – using a missing knob in the center – to acknowledge the ordered bell.

The other thing, which I’m sure he didn’t relate to everyone because few people would grasp the concept, was how the engine room throttleman and the boiler men coordinated their efforts to answer bells despite being in different compartments. If you’ve read my post on Keeping T ave in the Green Band, you’ll recall that with a nuclear-powered engine room, such as on a submarine, answering bells was a fairly straightforward process – the throttleman opened the throttles until the shaft speed was correct for whatever bell the OOD ordered. The reactor, with a little help from the reactor operator, ramped up or down in power automatically.  In a oil-fired boiler engine room, it’s not so easy. If the conn, for example, orders a speed increase from ahead 1/3 to ahead full, the boilerman sees the order come in on the engine order telegraph and must crank up the boiler using various oil nozzles so the fires burn hotter and produce more steam. That takes a while. Meanwhile, the throttleman, who also sees the ordered bell on his engine order telegraph, wants to open the main engine throttles to increase shaft and propeller speed. But he can’t do so until the boiler produces more steam – the main engine turbines want the stem at a particular pressure at all times. So how does he know when to open the throttles? He looks at the main steam pressure gauge in front of him. As the boiler ramps up, pressure goes up. As pressure goes up, he can open the throttles more, which increases turbine speed but also lowers pressure. It’s a coordinated dance between boilerman and throttleman, who are in separate compartments. They communicate by the language of steam pressure. To me, that is cool.

USS Wisconsin engine room. The engine order telegraph is just to the left of the larger throttle wheel; steam pressure is indicated on the black faced gauge at the top right.

I mentioned above that I had visited a cruiser but it’s not a WWII era warship: the USS Olympia, Commodore Dewey’s flagship during the Battle of Manila Bay, which took place in 1898 during the Spanish-American War. The Olympia is a ‘protected cruiser’, which mean s it has an armored deck. Moored in Philadelphia next to a WWII submarine (USS Becuna) and a gorgeous 4-master (the Moshulu), the Olympia is a national treasure and a must-see experience for anyone interested in old warships.

USS Becuna and USS Olympia
USS Olympia
USS Olympia, with her forward 8″ guns trained on Moshula.

While the engine room was not open to visitors when I toured Olympia, the rest of the ship is quite impressive and in great shape. If you visit, you’ll see ornate fittings, lots of wood and some really spectacular 5″ guns on full display on the gun deck. The 8″ gun turrets unfortunately were also closed off.

5″ gun mount located in the wardroom
5″ guns on gun deck
5″ guns on gun deck
5″ gun
Smaller gun on top deck

One of my favorite photos taken on the Olympia isn’t pretty like those above. It’s a shot seeming to show one of the ship’s smaller guns (2.24 inch, according to Wikipedia) trained on an enemy warship across the river. That ship is the USS New Jersey, another of the WWII-era big battleships.


On the deck of the USS New Jersey. The USS Olympia can be seen across the river.
USS New Jersey

Many of the old warship museums in the US are in financial trouble, including the Independence Seaport Museum, which owns the USS Olympia and at last information was looking for a buyer. Without more money, these important relics of our past will fall into even worse disrepair than many already are, or will be abandoned for scrap. That can’t happen. I encourage everyone to support the ships – go visit them. You won’t regret it.

Kangaroo Skin Seat Covers

One of my favorite songs is Summer of 69 by Bryan Adams. I don’t know, it just hits a chord with me.

In the summer of 1969, my parents were planning to take us from the United States to our new home somewhere yet to be found in Australia, something that ended up happening (I think, maybe it didn’t) later that year on my younger elder sister’s birthday. Because we crossed the International Date Line, Jaina lost her birthday.

Brave new world, eh? My father had just retired from a rather fun-filled career in the US Army which included tours in three major wars and he and my mother were apparently ready for something completely different. My memory of that time is worse than spotty but I vaguely recall being bummed because I thought I had a shot at the junior varsity basketball team. My older elder sister would not be going with us. Cory was too busy being a San Francisco hippie. And who could blame her – San Francisco in the late ’60s? Groovy.

Sadly, another family would also not be going – Snowball, our cat, who had been with us since Virginia. Australia’s pet immigration policy was too restrictive. Snowball, I’m told, remained in place with the new owners of our house in Albuquerque.

This be Snowball:




Sorry, I get carried away with kitty photos.

So, in the fall of 1969, we hopped a MAC transport across the Pacific, making a stop in Hawaii, which itself was to play a big part in our lives later on. I think the plane refueled in Pago Pago (pronounced, oddly enough, ‘Pango Pango’) on the way to Sydney so I can say I’ve been there. (Note: Jaina says it was Nadi in Fiji – pronounced Nandi – where we refueled, not Pago Pago in American Samoa, but I may have stopped in PP on a subsequent trip.)

There may have been a grand plan for this whole living in Australia thing but I don’t think it was evident, at least to my sister and I. Australia had granted us permanent resident status, so we could live anywhere we liked. Getting resident visas was at the time not easy for a lot of people. But white Americans with a guaranteed retirement income from the US military? Come on in! Aussies may be the model of friendly, carefree people but they certainly were protective of their borders. Still are.

We hung around Sydney for a while before heading up north to Queensland’s Gold Coast, taking a flat in Burleigh Heads (the Gold Coast comprised the beach towns from Southport in the north down to Coolangatta on the border with New South Wales). We lived in what passed for a high-rise apartment building located on the headland. I imagine the view was spectacular, what with the world-class beach right at our doorstep, and one that would cost some serious coin today, I would imagine. Right next to the building on the side our balcony faced was a large tree which drew hundreds of kookaburras. They would chatter up a storm with their distinctive call. Kookaburras are carnivores. We got to enticing them to fly to our balcony rail with bits of raw meat. They would queue up on the rail with the one on the end grabbing a morsel and flying off while the others in turn hopped closer.

In 1969, the Gold Coast was still undiscovered territory. The larger towns of Coolangatta, Surfer’s Paradise and Southport were still small, and the stretches in between were downright rural. The beaches were the focus, so most people lived pretty close to the ocean with many rather run down but quaint homes right on the beach. It should have been an idyllic place to grow up. I was fourteen by the time we got to the Gold Coast; my sister a year older.

Idyllic, that is, if you weren’t an American teenager.

While our parents thrived – building a nice canal-side house on the Isle of Capri in Surfer’s Paradise, buying a swimwear factory (in which we kids occasionally toiled), mixing in with the other American ex-pats – my sister and I took paths unlike what our parents had in mind for us. I’ll leave it for Jaina to tell her story if she cares to.

Jaina and I went to Miami High School, which resembled an English school with mandatory uniforms, inspections and corporal punishment. I actually did well at first. Miami High excelled in academics, which suited me. I had lots of friends and got into the usual amount of trouble without it being too serious. My transition to Australian life was helped by having Richard Jones as a friend. Richard was a Yank, too, and he had been there longer. I remember we also had a friend by the name of David Brown and Richard, David and I once took a bus to Brisbane (the nearest big city about 50 miles away) probably for a concert. At the bus station in Southport or wherever, we booked tickets in the names of Smith, Jones and Brown. I like to think we got a raised eyebrow or two over that.

I still have a good friend to this day from my Miami High days – John Cork. No finer fellow exists.

But with all that seeming high school normality, there was continual underlying tension. Unlike the adults, Australian teenagers were relentless in harassing us Yanks. They had some kind of inferiority complex and I was always being challenged because of stupid stuff, like Aussie cars were better than Yank cars. More than one fight resulted. Later on in my time in Australia away from high school I took to claiming I was Canadian just to avoid the harrassment.

Thinking back, the ‘trouble’, if I want to call it that, began when I started hanging out with a different group, particularly Karl McKlintock, Rob Duncanson and Gordon (forgot his last name). Rob and Gordon were Canadians and Karl was Aussie. All were about a year older than me. None were the type that conformed to the rules. Soon, my activities included beer drinking, pot-smoking and even petty crimes. At least once, I stole my parent’s car for the group. Not sure where the parents were.

All that would have been fine – actually better than fine, I think – but Rob in particular had a bigger, more substantial influence on me. You see, Rob wanted to go back to Canada and he convinced me that I needed to go with him. As an Australian, Karl wasn’t going anywhere and Gordon was – well, I don’t know what Gordon thought. Gordon remains mysterious to me. I know he had a serious heart problem that threatened his life. I sometimes wonder how he got along.

Under Rob’s plan, we would book passage on a ship to Vancouver. To pay for the tickets – because neither of us had any money at the time – we would spend a few months in the outback mining town of Mt. Isa working whatever jobs we could find. Karl would go, too. Rob and Karl had already graduated 10th grade high school (all that was required) and I was scheduled to do so just before we left for Mt. Isa. Except not quite – we ended up leaving after classes ended but before exams.

My parents were none the wiser. I told them we were going to Mt Isa for summer work and that the school year was over. What parent wouldn’t want their sixteen year old, supposedly responsible kid, to go off to with his friends to work through the summer break?

To get there, Karl somehow obtained a Holden FB panel van in dubious condition. I think we had to get Karl’s dad to pony up money for a brake job and between the three of us (mainly Rob) we had the expertise to get the engine and other vitals working reasonably well. We outfitted the interior with a mattress and drive-in speakers.

Me on top of the FB before we left the Gold Coast

So, late 1971, off we went, traveling up the coast to Townsville before heading in to the interior, the outback. Accommodations were the most basic – sleeping on the beach in the company of whomever we encountered. We didn’t know what we were doing and had no schedule. Our sights were set on Mt. Isa and we had no clear idea what it took to get there or really what we would do once we arrived.

Karl (L) and Rob (R) by the FB at a campsite

Townsville was a mess when we went through, having just a few days prior taken a direct hit by Cyclone Althea, one of the most powerful storms ever to hit Queensland. The roads were littered with debris – the area still very much in recovery mode. We didn’t stay on the beach here but managed to score a motel room. This being late December in northern Queensland, the weather was hot and humid. I recall trying to cool off in the motel pool while it was raining.

Driving west towards Mt. Isa on the Flinders Highway (I had to look up the name) is an exercise in nothingness, particularly between Hughenden and Cloncurry where the road stretches for as far as the eye can see. Looking left or right doesn’t get you much more in the way of scenery although I could see herds of the enormous red kangaroos hopping near the horizon (It would not be the last we saw of these kangaroos). While not the deep, desolate outback, we were definitely in the middle of nowhere.

Two things happened on the road to Mt. Isa. First, we got a flat tire and after unloading the FB, we discovered we had no jack. That was when I became most aware of the desolation surrounding us. There we were on the side of the road, belongings strewn out the back and absolutely nothing but a dead straight road in front and back to suggest that humans ever came this way. So, we waited. Eventually, someone else drove by and offered the use of their jack.

The second thing that happened, either before or after the flat tire incident (and I want hope it was before because if it was after, my buddy Karl’s behavior becomes even more stupid), was an off-road excursion. Recall that we were on a single lane, asphalt road in nowheresville. The ground on either side of the road was not firm at all – more like loose dirt. In other words, unless you had a 4WD vehicle, you really wanted to stay on the asphalt (or bitumen, as it’s called down under).

Karl was driving, I was in the passenger seat with Rob in the back and as happened occasionally I think, some of the big kangaroos hopped alongside as we drove, or hopped out of the way as we approached. Karl decided that the FB needed kangaroo skin seat covers, or at least that’s what he said. So he veers off the road straight for one of the big roos. And hits it. He actually hit the fucking kangaroo. I was aghast and Rob was perplexed, having no idea what happened.

You know how you don’t want to hit a big deer or a cow because of the damage the critter will do to your car? Well, same with seven foot kangaroos. The impact caved in the grill and almost destroyed the radiator. We were fortunate not to be stranded with a broken car. And also fortunate to be able to make it back to the road what with the tires now half buried.

The roo? I think we pissed it off. It got up and hopped away. Like Karl was going to skin the fucking thing and make seat covers. Stupid.

Somehow, we made it to Mt. Isa. Not knowing what to do or where to go once we arrived, I’m not sure how things went down at this point but we ended up in a tent campground. Our new home. Now, the hard part – get a job to earn money for passage to Canada.

At Mt. Isa, Karl (L) and Rob (R)

Australia at the time, maybe still, had a pretty good system for getting temp jobs – you went to the unemployment office, filled out the forms with your ‘qualifications’ (we had none) and basically waited until someone wanted manual labor. And manual labor jobs we got – my scrawny self loaded cement bags onto train flatcars, literally dug ditches for a new gas station and other equally appealing forms of physical abuse that passed for employment. But there were also times of unemployment. To get money for the next meal during these, we actually trolled the streets looking for loose change. A rough time.

Rob was in the same boat as Karl and I at first but managed to score a job with the mining company in town (Mt. Isa is and was then known for mines). He made enough money to buy a motorcycle – one of the new Honda CB500 four cylinder bikes. I don’t recall thinking much about that purchase at the time, but we were here to make money to leave the country, weren’t we?

Life went on this way for a while. We were in Mt. Isa for at least two months, maybe longer. While there, I managed to have my first car accident. I swear it wasn’t my fault but the guy I hit tried to take advantage of the fact that I was unlicensed and demanded money. After talking with Karl and Rob, we decided to tell the guy to take a hike, which apparently he did. The FB was mostly undamaged, at least not much further damaged.

One other notable incident happened while in Mt. Isa – we were arrested by the local police and threatened with charges of possession of cocaine. As if we could afford pot, much less cocaine. The three of us were hauled into the police station and held overnight for questioning while the FB was torn apart in a search for drugs. The let us go the next day after finding nothing but I think they made it plain that us long-haired hippie types were not welcome in their town. We had to put the FB back together ourselves.

All the while in Mt. Isa, I exchanged letters with my parents and at some point wrote that Rob and I were leaving. I think I asked them to sell my surfboard. Parents being parents – and my parents were good people – they were having none of it. They did, however, conclude that their Australian experiment was a failure with both their younger two kids so far off the straight and narrow. So they decided to uproot and return to the US. I would come back to the Gold Coast and enter the 11th grade while plans were put into motion. Jaina? Well, her situation was even more dysfunctional than mine, but again, that’s her story to tell.

My memory is foggier than usual about what happened in the ensuing months but I do know that I didn’t stay in school but instead traveled south to Melbourne with Karl to stay with his sister, BIL and two rugrats. After a few months there (a story for another blog post), my parents and I indeed headed back to the US and settled in Hawaii, which is where I graduated from high school. Jaina remained in Australia.

Looking back to this time in my life is difficult and not just because I can’t remember much of it (most of the above is based on fragmented memories and help from my sisters). No, it’s difficult because of what I did to my parents. They had moved to Australia to retire and had put the four of us in a pretty sweet situation. Had I not done what I did, they would have lived out their lives after, probably, many years of relative bliss. My father was a veteran of three major wars and my mother did the military spouse thing for decades. They deserved their retirement and the Gold Coast of Australia is a damn fine place to retire, especially back then. Me, I would have graduated 12th grade at Miami, probably got into one of the better universities and probably become an Australian citizen.

But no. Mind you, Hawaii wasn’t so bad either and both my parents thrived there, too. But it wasn’t their dream.


Keeping the World Safe From the Evils of Nuclear Power

When people ask me what I do at work, I often pause to consider who’s asking the question. I have a selection of answers.

  • I’m an engineer
  • I’m an engineer in the electric power industry
  • I’m a nuclear engineer
  • I’m a control systems engineer in the nuclear industry
  • I work on safety analysis calculations in the nuclear industry
  • I do setpoint and uncertainty calculations for nuclear power plants
  • I keep the world safe from the evils of nuclear power

The first two are accurate; the third one isn’t but serves a purpose. A nuclear engineer is someone with a nuclear engineering degree and I don’t have one of those. The fourth one is accurate; the fifth isn’t but few people would know that. While the sixth is an accurate description of what I do, it’s not very accessible to most people. The last is also accurate, if a bit flippant. My work helps ensure a nuclear plant is operated safely.

Nuclear power plants have an array of automatic and semi-automatic controls systems designed to sense abnormal and potentially unsafe conditions and initiate actions to put the plant in a safe mode. These systems are separate from those that control the plant during normal power operation.

Every nuclear power plant also has a comprehensive array of analyses and calculations that demonstrate the plant can be safely shut down without releasing significant amounts of radiation to the public during postulated ‘accidents.’ In this context, an accident is a critical system failure, whether from equipment malfunction, design error or natural occurrences such as earthquakes. All credible accidents are analyzed with the results published in the plant’s Final Safety Analysis Report, a document that is submitted to the Nuclear Regulatory Agency as part of the requirements necessary to secure a license to operate the plant. The FSAR, along with other engineering documents, details the design basis of the plant. In other words, the design features that allow it to operate safely. As long as the evolving design of the plant remains within the design basis, the safety analyses remain valid. The FSAR is a living document – it’s continually updated as upgrades and modifications are made.

A license issued by the NRC is not simply a go-ahead to operate. It’s not a piece of paper. Rather, it’s a lot of paper. The most significant part of the license is the Technical Specifications, a document that provides, in considerable detail, exactly how the plant must be operated, particularly what safety equipment must be operable. The Tech Specs, as they’re commonly referred to, also contains dozens of limiting conditions for various parameters.

For example, the primary system pressure must be maintained within specific limits – not too high and not too low – when the reactor is at power. There are instruments (electronic measuring and control devices) that monitor primary pressure and initiate actions if it goes too high or too low. How high or low? Well, that’s where I come in. It would not do to set the instruments to actuate right at the limits provided in the Tech Specs. All measurements contain some amount of uncertainty and that uncertainty must be calculated and accounted for in the actual plant setpoint. So, if the Tech Spec limit is 2250 psia increasing, the actual setpoint might need to be 2230 psi or lower after determining that there might be 20 psi uncertainty. The 20 psi figure would come out of one of my setpoint and uncertainty calculations.

Because some of the uncertainties inherent in a measurement aren’t in play when instrument setpoints are periodically checked by technicians, the Tech Spec limits themselves incorporate a certain amount of margin with respect to what the safety analysis calculation assumed in concluding the plant could be safely shutdown. To determine a safe setpoint, we start with the safety analysis assumption and work backwards, accounting for all uncertainties that might influence the measurement during any postulated plant conditions, including accidents. That ends up validating both the Tech Spec limit and the actual setpoint.

So, that’s what I do. But as you might imagine, the details are complicated. Determining instrument inaccuracies is a matter of skill and art, as one of my engineering managers once described it. I have to agree. After doing this for a couple of decades – and before that I was an instrument technician, one of the people charged with actually ‘setting’ the setpoints in the field – I’ve come to know a bit about how to apply skill and art to the matter.

We (setpoint calc people) don’t work in an unregulated vacuum. I can’t just apply my experience, add a bit of art, and come up with what I think the setpoint should be. As with all nuclear safety-related activities, there are procedures and regulations to follow. Every plant has a specific engineering procedure that details in varying degrees how to determine setpoints. Most derive from what the original reactor vendor provided as a basis for operating the plant. Some plants have kept a version of that methodology in place over the years while others have made changes to come up with their own, unique methodology.

In every case, the methodology must be approved by the NRC. To determine whether to grant approval, the NRC relies on the controlling federal regulations (found in 10CFR50) and on industry standards that have been previously endorsed by the agency. The prevailing industry standard for determining setpoints is the International Society of Automation’s (formerly the Instrument Society of America) 67.04 publication, which has been revised over the years. ISA 67.04 and its implementing standard, RP67.04, discuss in great detail what effects on instruments must be considered and provides the basis for statistically combining the effects to come up with an overall uncertainty that accounts for all required factors with the level of confidence mandated by the NRC.

In the course of my career, I’ve prepared setpoint calcs for dozens of plants. That experience has been wildly mixed in terms of personal and professional satisfaction. Frankly, most clients can be utter assholes. They demand results that cannot be achieved and schedules that cannot be met. They demand error-free calculations despite providing ambiguous, error-ridden design documents to me as inputs to the calcs and despite allowing much faultier calculations from their own engineers. Their comments are often pedantic, irrelevant, or mind-bogglingly stupid. I’ve had discussions with clients that left me speechless. I’ve many times just wanted to say “You have no idea what you’re talking about, so why don’t you do the rest of us a favor and just shut the fuck up.”

On the other hand, when you get a client who understands the process, understands the challenges and respects you as a professional and as someone whose goal is to help their plant with whatever engineering difficulty they’re currently involved with, it can almost be rewarding. Almost.

All through my career as a setpoint calc engineer, my focus has been client-oriented. I’ve tried to find a way to allow the plant to do whatever it is they had in mind, be it a power uprate, a switch to 24-month fuel or simply (often not so simple) responding to a directive from the NRC, all while maintaining the prime directive: protect the design basis of the plant. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work out so well.

Recently, I was asked to come into a project that had experienced some difficulties because the engineers my company had doing the calcs were inexperienced and were getting hard questions from the client they couldn’t answer. I agreed, but after re-doing the calculations, I had to conclude that the plant couldn’t do what they wanted to do. The numbers just weren’t working out. No one is happy with that outcome.

Perhaps the darkest time for me was after years of working calculations with a big client that was planning not one, but two major plant modifications in back-to-back refueling outages. My partner (whom I’ve worked with for almost two decades and who is awesome) and I just kept running into issues making a set of very critical calculations come out right. And by right, I mean they would demonstrate that the plant’s design basis would be protected even after the two modifications were performed. Our results kept coming out negative. The client grew increasingly unhappy and eventually said they would take over the calculations themselves if we didn’t agree to incorporate changes that we didn’t think were proper. Changes that would make the calcs work but weren’t supported by available data.

I’m not going to name the plant and I’m not going to discuss how it all finally resolved itself. But I will say that for the first and only time in my career, I felt obliged to inform the NRC of a significant safety concern. In other words, I blew the whistle. There’s a process for doing this and as with other whistleblowing involving the federal government, there are some protections. I gave them all my files and my analyses and told them that, in my expert opinion, the plant was planning on violating their license and that the NRC should step in.

As I said, my primary focus is maintaining the design basis and I will not compromise that principle. You know how we’ve prevented Fukushima here in the US? By vigilantly maintaining the design basis. That’s also why Three Mile Island wasn’t Fukushima – the plant’s defense-in-depth safety systems worked. The containment building held.

So, yeah, I keep the world safe from the evils of nuclear power.

In the final analysis (no pun intended), I’ve hated this job. I wanted to be a geologist with the  US Geological Survey. Or a tennis pro.